Below you will find a typical conversation with my grandma. I suppose that because I’m not particularly intrigued by people’s eating habits, I find it fascinating that my grandma is.
Grandma: What did you eat for lunch?
Me: A tamal.
Grandma: Why didn’t you go to the Cuban restaurant?
Me: They were no longer serving lunch.
Grandma: Where did you buy it?
Me: At the store.
Grandma: Why didn’t you buy it at the bakery?
Me: I don’t know.
Grandma: What time did you eat it?
Me: Around 2.
Grandma: Why did you eat that late?
Me: That’s when I got hungry.
Grandma: How did you cook it?
Me: In the microwave.
Grandma: Why didn’t you boil it?
Me: It’s faster in the microwave.
Grandma: How long did you microwave it for?
Me: Eleven mintutes.
Grandma: Was it warm?
Grandma: Even the center?
Grandma: Because last time you microwaved it, it wasn’t warm in the center (she was very upset about this).
Me: This time I did a good job.
Goes out to buy bread. Comes back two minutes later.
Grandma: It looks like it’s going to rain soon. I can’t go out because I will die. Can you go buy some bread?
Grandma: I only have a $50,000 bill, so I guess I’ll have to give you that.
Me: I have smaller change.
Grandma: OK, if you insist I’ll let you spend money this one time.
I am in my pajamas, brushing my hair in the bathroom, getting ready to go. My grandm0ther opens the door
Grandma (in a very serious tone): You’re not going in your pajamas are you?
Me: No, I’m about to put on jeans.
Grandma: Because in Colombia you can’t go out in your pajamas.
Me: It’s pretty rare in the United States too.
Grandma: You should not be eating tamales.