If you know me well, you know I have an irrational fear of aging. Actually, irrational is probably not the right word because I will get old, no matter what I do, so it’s not like this fear is unfounded. I should say I spend too much time worrying about getting old. Getting wrinkled, to be exact. Despite the fact that I don’t dress particularly stylishly and haven’t really done much in the way of staying in shape until recently, I am actually very vain and have always taken care of my skin. I’ve been using anti-aging products since I was 21 and I rarely go out without sunscreen in order to prevent “premature aging.” I do this because, as a very pale person, I feel I am a prime candidate for wrinkles.
And in fact, I recently discovered the appearance of many fine wrinkles under my eyes and started using Vaseline as an under-eye de-wriklifier because I thought it would combat the aging process better than normal lotion. Then I decided that taking preventative/proactive measures is a better strategy than trying to fight wrinkles after they’ve already arrived, so I started applying Vaseline to my face and neck every morning. This didn’t turn out well. One day, I decided to do this before a winter hike because I thought that I would be doubly fortified against the wind and cold. Being me, I didn’t realize that oils actually attract the sun, so by the end of the day I had lobster face and had probably prematurely aged three years. The next day at work my coworker took me aside. I could tell she was a little embarrassed for me and wasn’t sure how to say what she needed to say, but she came out with it “Sweetie, why don’t you go to the bathroom and take some of your blush off? I think it may be a little much.” Needless to say, I was really embarrassed as she was when I told her I wasn’t wearing any blush. Anyway, the purpose of this tangent is to demonstrate the lengths I’ve gone to in order to prevent premature aging.
I’ve abandoned Vaseline as an anti-aging agent and I’ve gone back to regular moisturizer, sunscreen and staying out of the sun whenever possible. However, something has been happening lately that is causing me great concern. Over the last few months and despite my best efforts, no one has been carding me! I’ve gone to buy ciggarattes for my Mom a few times and haven’t been carded once. And it very clearly says on the sign “We card anyone who appears under 40.” UNDER 40? How is it possible I don’t appear to be under 40? I can’t remember the last time I got carded at a bar either. I met a friend last night for happy hour and even remembered to bring my license because I was feeling hopeful, but no such luck. I thought I’d be at least 30 before I stopped getting carded.