Online Dating Update

So I’ve been on this dating website for about a week now. I made some slight changes to my profile after consulting with a few friends who said 1.) My pictures were too emo and not very flattering and 2.) My profile was too long, wordy and deep for this kind of format. So changes have been made and the online version of me is cheerful! Smiley! Uncomplicated! Cool! I hope the real life version of me can live up to the online version… It’s been kind of fun and I have a few actual dates set up. It’s nice to get home and find a few messages from guys who claim to find me attractive or interesting and to know that I have the power to reply or not reply. In my initial post on dating in D.C I talked about filter power and how I was going to try to be open-minded but truth be told online dating is probably the best opportunity I’ll have to be picky in my life so I’ve decided to fully embrace it in the following ways:

1.) If someone with a fantastic profile messages me but they live west of Fairfax or south of Alexandria I can’t help but feel disappointed. This is not very nice because I live in the outer reaches of the suburbs myself so I’m really in no place to judge. However, as my friend Nora said, I’m a secret suburbanite. I like to consider myself an urban girl at heart — the kind of person who would and could live in a city, if only circumstances were different (I had money, for example). And yes, I’m being stereotypical and unfair, but I really would like to meet the kind of guys who prefer a tiny rented apartment in Columbia Heights rather than a huge, mortgaged colonial in Ashburn. Is this so terrible of me? Probably.

2.) If anyone uses the words “cutie,” “hott” (is that the way you spell hot when you are  talking about attractiveness?) or similar descriptive words I immediately delete. Same goes for guys who don’t mention anything specific about my profile because I figure they are sending out dozens of generic messages hoping someone will bite (I kind of imagine a guy fishing with multiple fishing poles to increase his odds of catching something). And while this is a perfectly reasonable tactic, I’m very vain and like to know that I, specifically, caught a guy’s attention. 



3.) Phone talkers. If a guy asks for my number because he wants to talk on the phone I’m out. I hate talking on the phone. Talking on the phone to someone I don’t even know? Terrifying torture. This is probably a ridiculous filtering technique, but we all have our unreasonable demands.

4.) Cocky guys. There are so many of them out there. I’m all about confidence, but I really don’t want to spend an hour of my life listening to someone talk about how much money they make or how successful they are in every aspect of their lives. A little humility goes a long way.

5.) Guys with weird photos. If you’ve tried online dating you know what I’m talking about a.) Pictures taken in front of the bathroom mirror. In which you can actually see the person taking the picture with their iphone. I much prefer activity pictures…hanging out with friends, on a hike, at a bar, etc. Something to let me know the guy goes out and has fun once in a while. If someone else took the picture I think that’s a good start. b.) Weird head angle close-up pictures. What are these trying to say?  “I’m a brooding artist?” I’m a deep thinker?” c.) Shirtless pictures.

 6.)  NASCAR. I briefly chatted with a guy who seemed nice enough, but then I asked him what he did over the weekend he said he went to NASCAR thing in Richmond. Yes, I’m being awful and very judgmental but I just don’t think I could go for a NASCAR kind of guy. Stereotypical images came to mind. For example, he might be a Republican. Just kidding…kind of.

7.) Tortured artist types. I got a message from this guy. We’ll call him Bob. Bob said I was “his kind of lady” because of all the travelling I’d done. I liked being someone’s kind of lady so I checked out his profile. He looked attractive enough. According to his profile, Bob had lived in the woods off and on for three years, is currently an art student, is into conservation and feminism and seemed to care about the world. I messaged him back because this is exactly the kind of guy my high school self would have been all about. Bob told me he was a figurative artist (I’m not sure what this means), that he was very sensitive and that he wanted not only to be in the world, but of the world (not exactly sure what this means either). However, after a few quick messages back and forth, I quickly realized my grownup self is not really into artiststs.
8.) Scraggly goat-like goatees. Ha! I guess this is why they call them goatees. Never made the connection. Anyway, I don’t like these at all.
9.) Spelling/grammar mistakes. Again, completely unfair because I make them all the time. I never spellcheck and I never reread what I’ve written so I’m sure I’m a grammatical/spelling disaster. In fact, I know this from reading some of my old blog enteries. But when I see them on other people’s profiles I become irrationally annoyed. In the same vein, it bothers me when people don’t use full words. Example: What R U up 2. I’m not really sure why this bothers me…maybe too much familarity too soon?

Categories: D.C Dating Scene, Trying New Things

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4 replies

  1. “Is this so terrible of me? Probably”– made me laugh.

    I’ve received every compliment under the sun, but I’m almost certain I’ve never been called hott or a cutie.

    If you find someone who seems great, please don’t tell me you’re going to dismiss him out of hand just because he sees that you’re wonderful and wants to talk to you on the phone. You can always just tell someone you’d rather wait to talk in person.

    If people insist on the bathroom shot, you’d think they could at least clean it up a bit.

    You do know that a goatee is called a perilla in most Spanish-speaking countries, right? Don’t try to resist what’s clearly fate 🙂

    Also, you’re right: you do make spelling mistakes all the time. (no offense!) We know they’re just typos. So, be careful before you judge. As for things like Wut R U up 2, for me that’s not too much familiarity too soon– that’s too much familiarity, period.

    Please please please blog about the weird and interesting dates 🙂


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