Search Terms Part I: How to Flirt with a Colombian Man

One of my favorite blog-related activities is going through the search terms that lead to my blog. Over the last few years, the overwhelming majority of searches have been about Colombian men. I get hundreds of searches every month from all over the world regarding Colombian men. Are they faithful? (not usually) What do they expect? Can it work? Why do they live with their moms? The list goes on and on. This month I started getting more diverse searches so I will be breaking this post down into two entries: One dealing with Colombian men and one dealing with all other search terms.

Colombian Men: Below you will find the most common Colombian men-related searches that lead to my blog over the last two weeks.

1.) Moving to Colombia to be with boyfriend: While I didn’t move to Colombia to be with my Colombian boyfriend, I did stay longer than originally planned to be with him. While I don’t regret it because I believe that all experiences can be positive so long as you put the right spin on them, I would highly recommend you also have a good job/life opportunity you can take advantage of while you are there, because if things don’t work out, the last thing you want is to feel like you wasted your time. I’ll just call my boyfriend-related time in Colombia a learning experience.

2.) How to flirt with a Colombian guy: I found this to be pretty easy and one of the welcome aspects to living in Colombia. I am not a particularly forward or flirtatious person so in many ways, the Colombian dating scene suited my style: I didn’t feel I had to be particularly proactive. A little eye contact or a smile should be enough. Let’s face it…Colombian men like the ladies and they are much more forward than American guys. In fact, now that I’ve started dating in D.C, I’m astounded by how un-forward (is this even a real word? Probably not) American guys are. Does this mean I need to be more proactively flirtatious?

Because I’m not a particularly great flirter, I’m not really sure how to fully answer this question. So ladies, if you’ve lived in Colombia and have any input that might be helpful, feel free to share!

3.) Dating a Colombian: Can it work? Sure, it can, and I know people for whom it has. I would only say to be aware that there are cultural differences that are very real. I enjoyed dating my Colombian while we lived in Colombia and I can say he never disrespected me or abused me and was generally chivalrous, but long story short, at the end of the day, we simply had a different set of values and priorities. One thing I never thought about when I was living in Colombia with my boyfriend was how our relationship would translate when we moved to the U.S…what I’d say about this is that if your significant other plans to move to the U.S/Canada/Australia/Europe/Asia to be with you, it’s very important that they are psychologically prepared to live with the cultural differences and are prepared to surrender the fantasy of moving back to Colombia (unless of course, you plan to move back to Colombia). It’s not easy starting out in the U.S., especially if you aren’t prepared to do whatever it takes to make things work.

4.) Bad Experience Colombian guy: I hear you, sister. Actually, I would say my experience was more a clash of value systems than a completely bad experience. You can always take something away from a bad experience, right? After my relationship ended, I got happy, fit (well, still working on this, but I have come a long way) and more focused and I truly feel my life has improved a thousand fold since the end of the relationship. At the end of the day, I can say I’m a better, happier and calmer person now than I was before the relationship and I think he’d say the same about himself. So it all worked out.

You occasionally hear stories of men with secret wives and families, guys who are just looking for a visa or relationships that become abusive or controlling, but I think this is not necessarily specific to Colombia. I would just say that the narrative we’re fed here in the U.S, about the importance of fidelity, (relative) equality among the sexes and the importance of self-autonomy, is not necessarily the narrative Colombian men are hearing when they are growing up or even as a adults. So it’s definitely something to keep in mind. Although I think some values are universal, I think many are also relative. For example, autonomy is big in the U.S, but it’s almost a curse word in Colombia. My grandma still thinks the idea of 18-year-olds moving away from home for college is a cultural travesty. What may seem outrageous in the U.S (think a 47-year old guy who lives at home and whose mom cooks his breakfast and does his laundry) is relatively common and not particularly unusual in Colombia. No matter what Hollywood tells you, love is not always enough.  

5.) What do Colombian men like? Well, the same thing as all men, is my guess. I’d just add that they like their girlfriends to take care of themselves, more so than American guys, at least in my experience. Plastic surgery is much less taboo than in the U.S and I can’t say I met all that many guys in Colombia who seemed seriously opposed to plastic surgery. They also like their moms. Actually, they love, love, love their moms. Which is great, although if you come from a country that values independence a little more, this can be a little hard to deal with. I’d say they definitely expect more pampering than American guys as well. Anyone out there have more input on this subject?

So Colombian-man loving ladies all over the world…if you have any more questions feel free to ask. I am by no means a Colombian man expert, but I did live in Colombia for 2.5 years, had a 3-year relationship with a Colombian and am a second generation Colombian myself, so I do feel I have a pretty good knowledge base in the subject. And keep in mind my explanations come from my own experiences. I’m sure many of you out there have had very different experiences and would be very interested in hearing about them!



Categories: Colombia, Colombian culture, Colombian men

Tags: , , , , , ,

22 replies

  1. The one thing I can say to this is that I was seeing a much younger Colombian man and I have never felt so disrespected from an American man. My Colombian would see a woman and have to make the most vulgar remarks about every woman or girl he saw. Not only the remarks but his eyes would follow women around like devouring them. It was so embarrassing for me as a woman and being with him. He was kind and loving but I just could not put up with the way he acted in public. The one thing he would say about American women was “Wow I could eat her up, but I w0uld take her to Colombia and give her a butt and breast”.

    I myself am Latina but I was raised in the states and am not used to this kind of ridiculous acting.

    • They are certainly not the most faithful group of guys! Sorry you had a bad experience! In Colombia I would see long married couples be so affectionate towards each other. Of course, I recognized that the husband had probably strayed but there did seem to be real affection. In the u.s you rarely see long married couples who are affectionate, but I do think most men tend to at least try to be faithful, which I don’t think is as much of a priority in Colombia. So at the end of the day, I guess it just depends what’s more important to you. For me, I got tired of doubting and wondering.

  2. I myself am Puerto Rican and when I have gone to Puerto Rico I do not see this ridiculous way with men. Most of the time in clubs if they want to meet you they come and talk and dance. I guess Puerto Rico has become very Americanized.

  3. I have been married to a colombian man for almost ten years . There is alot of truth to your post and it doesn’t change too much over time. He has severed the super close ties with his mother over the years- but it takes awhile . Also traditional role expectations of colombian men are not really the norm for working husbands and wives here in the US- too bad he likes dinner on the table when he gets home- makes for many hungry nights .

  4. Unfortunately, I just found out that my boyfriend of a year and a half who has been living here in Canada for the last 10 years has a serious girlfriend back in Bogota. He was traveling back and forth every 3 months or so and we kept in touch almost daily while he was gone although he refused to get a cell phone (r was lying about not having one). She contacted me via facebook and told me that she lives there with him at his parents house. He had been lying to me the whole time but I can’t say that the writing wasn’t on the wall. He didn’t want to pay for anything and refused to get a cell phone to keep in touch while he was away. I had to rely on skype or just anticipate his phone calls when it was convenient for him. I also found him very manipulating and dismissive. There are good things I can say about him as well and we did share some good memories but in the end he turned out to be a big liar and cheater. I emailed him when his other girlfriend had told me the news and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been a few weeks! It feels like a slap in the face and no woman should have to go through what I’m going through. I hope other women have a better experience than me and I do know some women who are happily married to a Colombian man!

    • Hi Molly!

      Thanks for the comment. I had a similar experience…not the best feeling to find out the last few years of your life have been based on lies, but you can’t really do anything but move on! I think it’s just a cultural thing. I really don’t think my husband thought he was doing anything wrong, but I’m sure it would have been a very different story if I was the one with a boyfriend on the side!

      I hope things got better for you and you meet someone who really deserves you!

    • Sorry to hear that, I have a Colombian friend that did exactly the same :*( . Difficult to believe that some people can be so selfish and disrespectful. But he was one of the “good” guys and after he got married never strayed again. Not like others that they actually behave like single guys after the wedding and lie to everybody, the mistresses, the wife, but not to their male friends, they all know and support their behavior. And the saddest part, many Colombian women put up with this behavior.

  5. I dated a Colombian guy for 3 months. It was a very perfect in the beginning. I heard about Colombian men here n there how they usually cheat and stuff. but also heard they also can be very kind and supportive and other goood things. SO, we were all over each other all the time, and he first said he likes me,,and thinking about me all the time..We respected each other space. and he was very romantic sending me love poems and love songs,, calling me Nina and he said that he likes which falls to te quiere category.. which is more than a casual like and still not love..
    But, 3 weeks ago he said he is sleeping w his ex-, Things started to change.. I accepted that it was my mistake that I frightened him when I said to him I am confused over some stuff about my Ex-.. Well and yess he went and slept with his ex.
    And I developed emotions for him over this 3 months,, then he comes saying to me( After all love poems and other things) that he has no feelings any more…
    and yes we broke up.
    FYI he gave me some pod too,,, made up a story and brought some for me… I have never smoked,,

  6. Hello, I’m a colombian man. I want to date with american women, do you know some online dating site to do it? I tried a lot, but i can’t find the right site. Thank you a lot! and Great articles.

  7. Hi, Im a foreigner, living temporarily in Italy as a student, there’s a Colombian guy in our class which i wanted to know how can I attract his attention! actually he seems so open minded and respectful 🙂

  8. So I met this Colombian guy a few weeks ago. He asked for my number and assuming he’d forgotten about me he only messaged me a this week. In constant contact all week he asked me on a date this weekend to which he suggested he’ll pick me up, we’ll go to a nice restaurant and a movie afterwards. Haven’t dated a foreigner before but nervous as hell… these articles help… kind of. But any tips? He seems very sweet but i’m very cynical and conservative so it might be an issue.

    • Hi, thank you for stopping by my blog! I don’t know that I have any tips; it’s been about five years since I lived in Colombia and about four years since my marriage with a Colombian man ended. Are there any specific questions/concerns you have about the situation? All Colombian men can’t be lumped together. I think in general, it’s a culture that’s more permissible toward male infidelity, but I met plenty of progressive, forward-thinking men while I was out there. If you have any specific questions, feel free to PM me at jjperilla@gmail.com.

  9. Colombian men cheat a lot because Many Colombian women in the past have as well… for a Colombian men to fully give you your trust and love you , u must let him meet your family and you must meet his family as well… It’s a cultural thing that doesn’t happen much in America …and if you wanna just flirt just be forward with him and say something like “I think you’re cute ” chances are he’s gonna ask you out eventually if he likes you .. 🙂

  10. Hello boys and girls

    I’m a Colombian man reading this, and thought I’d bring some testosterone in this argument..
    If you’re a girl looking to get a high quality Colombian man, I got you.

    First off, you hit the biggest points regarding Colombian men corectly but forgot to mention the best parts (so my you’re doing yourself a disservice to your readers). I’m from Cali Colombia but am US based since high school and beyond, so I have perspective on both sides.

    If you want to get a quality Colombian guy hooked:
    – You must be ready to look good all the time. We got options and it’s in our blood to Holler at every sexy little thing, so unless you wanna go back to bland, boring white boys, look good 24/7 (and please no basic sweatpants or wearing flats to the club) Why Do you think Colombian Women bring their A+ game in looks all the time? Because she knows that if she doesn’t high quality guys will cheat or straight up pump and dump you.

    – Sometimes we like gringitas (American girls) but we get bored of them because they get too basic. However if you read books about interesting things (no feminist shit please), keep your hair long, learn Salsa, Spanish (even if your Colombiwn guy speaks fluent english) and bring your A game in girl game and in bed, we will take you serious and we’ll bring you to our mom (who will pretty much decide your sexual fate haha)

    Here’s the thing about Colombian moms. They don’t want their sons to marry some Gringa cause they feel American girls don’t take care of their husbands and are not family oriented. Most Colombian moms know we got some gringitas on the side in rotation, but they don’t expect us to date one seriously. So she doesn’t like you already haha

    The good news is the fact that we are actually bringing you to mom speaks volumes to her about you, so your job just got easier. Just don’t rest on your laurels, she has a better eye for perfection and we really listen to mom when it comes to this. No getting around this, so if you straight up suck, that’s on you.

    – Here’s an interesting thing about Colombian men, we love Arabic chicks not necessarily the conservatives hijab wearing but the more westernized ones (big Arab population in Colombia). The reason we love this particular demographic is because the girls have a sense of quiet sexiness that is just intoxicating. So learn from your sisters.

    – We don’t like Puerto Rican girls (we might like them at first cause they’re hot but trust me, that doesn’t last) just ask a Colombian guy who bangs a lot of chicks. It’s honestly one of those things that will never combine fully.

    – Honestly cheating happens but if you develop a more relaxed attitude about it, we won’t cheat or we’ll keep it to a minimum (hence why Arabic chicks are so good to Colombians, they don’t ask too many questions, they’re super sexy and feminine and hence why we rarely cheat with them)

    – We love a chick who reads or is curious about spirituality. If you know about religion or about frequencies and energies, you will make pillow talk super memorable and we will definitely stay put because it’s so rare finding a chick who talks about travel, spirituality and the earthiness that inspires Colombians at a very deep level. Colombian men want to travel the world and make a business athat allows them to fulfill that ambitious part of himself. Talk about the discipline of the japanese, the magic of the middle east, the history of europe and how brave the founding fathers in America were. He will be hooked.

    – Go for the money. Honestly unless you run into a Colombian guy who is very smart and on the intellectual side, avoid the low lifes that come from there. Colombia is a very classist country where money matters. If he has a stable income and doesn’t talk shit about the cash he is making, he won’t mooch off of you. It’s a big fault really, but if you got a guy who has money, he won’t need to mooch off you. He will have more options than usual but you read this so he’ll be cool with it.

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