It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my love life, mostly because not much is happening. My initial online dating enthusiasm quickly faded and although I’m still on this website, I’m feeling pretty blah about the whole process. In fact, I think I’m going to take a little sabbatical from the world of online dating for a bit. Not because it’s been horrible or anything — I just think I’m going to go back to meeting people the old-fashioned way. Like going to the bar on Friday nights, for example.
I’m Afraid we Just aren’t Carnally Combustive
Part of this whole online dating thing is figuring out if you are interested in someone or not. I met a few guys I was interested in enough to go out with twice, but no one who really blew me away. When I’m not interested in someone after a first date I usually just fade away. That seems to be the easiest way to get the message across. After a second date, I’ll write the guy a message or text letting him know I enjoyed his company but I don’t feel a romantic connection. And during the last few months of online dating, I’ve found that most guys tend to disappear when they’re not interested, which is probably the best and most painless way to go about things. It definitely beats a guy telling you, “Yeah, I think you’re pretty boring, not very attractive and seeing you again is the last thing I want to do.” If a guy doesn’t text you within a few days of the date, you can pretty much be sure he’s never going to text you.
But the most original “this isn’t going to work out” message award has to go to this guy I went on a couple of dates with. About two weeks after our last date (I’d already gotten the message by this point) he writes me an email saying he feels we are “more plutonic than carnally combustive.” I don’t know if he meant platonic — or was the chemistry so non-existent he compared it to a far-off, frigid and recently demoted dwarf planet??? And carnally combustive? It still makes me laugh out loud every time I think about that one.
I think for me, the problem with online dating is that it takes all the mystique and subtleness out of meeting people. When you sign up for an online dating service, you are on there with the expressed purpose of making — or not making — romantic connections. And some guys, it seems, are on there with the expressed purpose of making (and mostly not making) sexual connections. I think that’s just too much pressure for me. In real life it’s easier to go about things in a more natural, organic way. You make eye contact with someone on a bus, a friend introduces you to a friend of a friend at a barbecue, you catch someone’s eye at a cafe, you’re walking to work and you run into someone, you’re at a bar and your third cocktail makes you feel brave enough to approach someone, a client walks into your office and the energy in the room changes a little — whatever the situation, real world romantic connections usually happen in a pleasantly unexpected way, and I think that’s kind of nice. I’m not discounting online dating altogether — I’m glad I tried it and I’ll probably give it another try sometime in the future — but in an ideal world, I’d like to meet someone off-line.
So I guess spending my evenings bingeing on five episodes in a row of House of Cards probably isn’t the best way to go about meeting a guy in real life. because it’s very unlikely the right guy will suddenly wander into my family room. So here’s to going out more!