Will my boyfriend leave me for a Colombian girl?

Getting my flirt on with a Colombian man back in the day.

Getting my flirt on with a Colombian man back in the day.

I really enjoy doing these search terms entries – and can’t think of anything else to write about – so let’s do this. Yet again, Colombian men dominated this week’s search terms. 671 of you out there found my blog because you have an interest in/concern with Colombian men. Concerns over infidelity/quality of Colombian men seemed to predominate this week’s search terms, so I’ll focus on those. Plus, my divorce to a Colombian man just went through, so what better time to talk about your concerns and doubts about Colombian men? So here I am, sitting at Caribou with my Pandora Vallenato station turned up full blast, ready to answer all your Colombian man-related questions!

1.) Colombian guys Womanizers: Yes, generally speaking, they are. Not all of course, but the idea that one woman will make one man happy for life is generally not a widely believed assumption among Colombian men, at least from my experience. However, you can be absolutely sure they will emphatically tell you otherwise. As my grandma (who is not particularly known for beating around the bush) used to say, Mijita, desgraciadamente los hombres Colombianos son una porqueria.”  I don’t entirely believe this because I’m an optimist and romantic at heart, but there you have it, advice from my 82-year-old Colombian grandma.

2.) Colombian men fidelity: No, not really. Fidelity of heart, maybe.  Physical fidelity, probably not.

3.) Will my boyfriend leave me for a Colombian girl? I’m assuming this writer is an American/European who is moving/living in Colombia with her boyfriend. Dear searcher, I’d say the following: I don’t know. If your boyfriend is any combination of tall, North American/European, light-eyed and blonde-haired, he will be very popular with the Colombian ladies. And if your man is the kind who has trouble with monogamy I have bad news for you because Colombian ladies know how to turn on the charm and, thanks to a combination of genetics and excellent plastic surgery, they are quite attractive. I suppose you could say they offer a form of heightened femininity not seen much in North America and Europe. But I’d say if you are actually worried about this realistically happening, you may want to move on to another boyfriend.

 4.) Do Colombian men have more than one girlfriend? Sometimes. I think this is due mostly to Colombia’s strong machista culture. Even though I found that Colombian women tend to be more “successful” than men career/education wise, I was sometimes surprised by how traditional men were when it came to their thinking about women’s sexuality. Thanks to my American nativity I didn’t find this out until after my marriage to a Colombian man. Oops. Anyway, your Colombian man will probably feel he is being faithful to you so long as he doesn’t fall in love with anyone else…but the same doesn’t apply to you.

I think this vallenato explains it well:

 5.) Are Colombian men good in bed? This is so subjective. There’s really only one way to find out. Enjoy! Or not.

 6.) Why do Colombian guys say suegra? I always wondered about this. A few months into my relationship with my then-boyfriend, he’d constantly refer to my mom as his suegra and everyone referred to his mom as my suegra. Obviously this doesn’t happen in the U.S. Can you imagine this scene? You’re dating a guy for a couple of months and you refer to his mom as your mother-in-law. Or you refer to your mom as his mother in-law. “Hey Billy, how about we go to my parent’s house today so you can hang out with your mother-in-law?” He would think you were a crazy chick and then he’d probably run very, very fast.

I’m not really sure what this is about. I guess Colombians don’t take things as slowly as North Americans and Europeans? Whatever the case, this premature association was always a bit jarring to me. During my time abroad I dated a few other guys in Panama and Colombia and suegra always came up during the first few months. It’s probably one of those things I’ll never understand as an American and doesn’t carry the formal weight it does in the U.S.

My other explanation is that in Colombia at least, the majority of people don’t actually get married. Unless you come from a historically higher class family or a particularly religious background, Colombians tend to move in together then part ways if the relationship doesn’t work out. In many ways, I think this may be a smarter tactic. I always thought that we do things backwards…people should live together, have/raise kids first, then, if they still love each other and want to be together after all that, get married. I mean, how many couples can you think of who’ve been married for 15 or more years and still seem happy? I think I can count them on one hand. I’ve tried to explain/promote this philosophy to others, but so far, it’s been shot down. Maybe Americans are more romantic than I give them credit for…

Anyway, back to Colombian men:

 7.) I found out my Colombian boyfriend is married. Sadly, probably not that uncommon. But cheer up, chin up, move on! This just isn’t worth losing time and energy over.

 8.) Do Colombian men make good boyfriends? I think that depends on your definition of “good boyfriend.” My Colombian boyfriend was always respectful and chivalrous. He opened doors for me, paid for meals and was very affectionate and attentive when we were dating. I’d just say that you have to establish early on what’s important to you. If things like monogamy aren’t particularly important to you and it’s more important to you to have someone who dotes on you and treats you like a princesa, maybe the answer is yes. In Colombia, it was common to see couples who’d been together for 25 years and still treated each other with affection and love. You don’t see that as much here. But I’d say there’s usually a price.

In my case, I ultimately decided that I wasn’t willing to pay the price, but I really think it depends on the person/couple. I think that even with the toughest breakups, you can eventually get to a place where you accept that things didn’t work out but you’re able to hold on to the good, happy moments and let go of the bad. I like to think I’ve gotten there, because even though things didn’t work out with my Colombian, there were plenty of fun, happy and significant moments and it would be a shame to forget those.

9.) Do women like Colombian men more than any other? Judging from all the Colombian-man related search terms on my blog, yes. Just kidding. I’m not aware of any world-wide survey on the most desirable men in the world, but I’d guess Colombians are not number one.

 10.) How do you get a Colombian mother to like you? Well, I found Colombian mothers tend to like girls with “old-fashioned values.” In Colombia, people seem to think that American/European girls are fast and loose so if you can convince your suegra otherwise, you’ve won half the battle. Strangely enough, American/European men are generally regarded as good, loyal, faithful and desirable husbands. Aside from this, I’d urge family participation. Family is important in Colombia and the more you participate in your man/girl’s family functions, the more points you’ll get, because this makes you a girl/guy who values family. Many of the older Colombians I met seemed to think that Americans have no concept of family values or family togetherness. I think I’ve blogged about this before, but my grandma was always astounded that Americans send their kids off to college at 18.

Still interested in learning more about Colombian men? I have an entire category dedicated to this subject.



Categories: Colombian culture, Colombian men, Search Terms

Tags: , , , , ,

23 replies

  1. I love doing (and reading) these kinds of posts as well, but lately all my searches are super boring. Yawwwwwn.

    I just read this article and learned to my surprise that Colombia was the country with the lowest marriage rate (out of 47 countries) in a study done by a Peruvian university. The Economist also did a study with the same result. I had no idea! Why do you think that is? Guesses?
    http://www.semana.com/vida-moderna/articulo/la-familia-colombia-esta-crisis/351347-3

    I interpreted the title question as a Westerner dating a Colombian guy in Colombia, but who knows. Yes, if she has to ask, that’s not a good sign.

    I always have to remind myself how atypical my experience dating a Colombian guy was! He was so non-Colombian. I was so fortunate, and I hate that I let him slip through my fingers… a really good guy 😦

  2. Thanks for this article. I ended a serious relationship with a Colombian man who was until recently living in Australia. I have had to get my head around his attitude to the infidelity which killed the relationship.

    I know his father cheated on his mother, his uncles on his aunts etc, etc. Whereas it would upset him if I mentioned an ex-boyfriend, it was ok for him to catch up with an ex and not tell me. He would get upset if I arrived home late whereas he didn’t arrive home one night at all (and asked me to pick him up so I until after the breakup I thought he was at a friend’s house). He joked about his uncle’s promiscrity (having fathered x no of illegitimate children) and how when his friend’s mother died there were seven mistresses crying at the funeral.

    I have not met Australian men, in my circle at least, talk with such a low level of respect for women…while at the same time being (outwardly) devoted to their relgion (how many Signs of the Cross do they make when passing a church?). In saying all this I had absolutely loved this man. He was passionate and romantic and I suppose I loved how he could make me feel like a queen. I loved the way he appeared to care about my parents.

    One of the main things I learnt was that I feel, think, think some more and then express and act. He seemed to feel and express and act without much analysis of the emotion. Not sure but I think this maybe an Anglo-Saxon versis Lation characteristic.

  3. Unfortunately, most of the information in this article is true… Because of a very strong “Macho” culture, Colombian guys tend to be possessive, control freaks, cheaters pretending that physical cheating is not important cause the “heart is what matters”, and so on… But of course is not the all of us…

    As a Colombian guy, I have to accept I’ve done mistakes, and I’ve cheated on girls sometimes… but I guess if you just give it more time to know the guy and be sure how he’s going to react on different situations, you can know if he falls into this “cliche” or not. Specially with younger Colombians (don’t know if because all the Asian and american values kicking in strongly by media and whatever) this looks to be stopping as a way of living… I’m 23, and pretty much all the guys I know from 18 to 25 can hit on girls if single and if it’s just a one night stand or something like that… but be very serious when on a relationship…

    (Sometimes it’s the Colombian girls the ones giving us a hard time.. ¬¬)

    As on the question on changing you for Colombian girl.. reality is that race and ethnics here (In Colombia, have no idea with Colombians abroad as I don’t know any) only apply when you’re talking about the cliches internet and media shows (Like Swedish girls being really hot, Japanese girls being really cute, bla bla bla), or your taste on girls… but after that its pretty much… unimportant… There might be little bit of racism toward African descent population, but besides that, any Colombian will judge a girl by hot or not… (No matter if Asian, blonde, brunette, Latin, etc etc etc… and so there’s no real “I prefer my ethnics/nationality/race women” stuff). So if he’s really committed and chose u as his partner, you should feel safe, if he’s a cheater or douche-bag, I guess he would have changed you for any girl on many reasons, that are unimportant to discuss…

    On the “suegra” thingy its just like a way to say “My partners (Girlfriend, wife, future-girlfriend) mom”… Its doesn’t really means that the guy wants to marry you right away, or that we don’t value marriage, or we don’t respect our mother’s in law or anything like that, its just a language thing… and its a way to “feel” closer to the partners family also… not as a distant “mom of my girlfriend” but someone close to you because its the mother of the person you love… In Colombia we consider that your partners mom has so much power over your relation ship and the perception that your partners has on you that you should almost hit on her here in parallel (of course this is a literal translation of a joke/saying… but you get the point), and that your “suegra” is actually someone important in your life, because it is someone important to your partner.

    So.. just a personal opinion on a very interesting article (Getting mom to like you is really accurate.. lol) and sorry for the long response… hope any info was of help… and my English is a bit rusty so sorry for any mistakes…

  4. I respect your point of view, but I strongly disagree your conception about colombian man. I think you base your answers in personal experience which can be true but not all of the people are like that. I had the pleasure to live in colombia for 5 years and I could assure you they are loving persons that take care of you even if you’re american or european. Colombia has move on in different ways. They aren’t a “macho” society. Women and men are treated equally. That’s my personal opinion and i hope you’ll respect it and think a little about what you have stated.

    • Thanks for stopping by! Like anywhere, some Colombian men are great, others could use a little work. These were just my personal observations as a Colombian! Maybe because most of my family in Colombia is older I hear more of the “back in the day” stories, bit I’d love to hear a bit about your experiences.

    • I’m not sorry to desagree with you, but still, no mean intentions in what I’m saying: the truth is we are nice people (must of us) but the macho culture is soooo deep in our roots, even women support that. The violence rate aginst women is one of the highest and that’s because of that culture that both men and women have (guys think they can and have the right to, and girls are always thinking is their own fault and that the guys can and have the right to). And colombian guys ARE really bad at that fidelity issue. They are good guys, they can be lovely and they usually consider family as one of the most important thing, but they are not very loyal and besides that they don’t like to commit. They’re “eternal boyfriends”, you can be for several years with a guy, and he’s going to keep calling you girlfriend, not even partner. We’ve advance in a lot of issues, but the macho culture is for real. Of course, there are some great guys, but don’t deceive yourself, those are the exception. And I told you this as a colombian. We love them, but ohhhh god, how much we have to deal with!

  5. I dated a Colombian man once, he was a great kisser, and a charming liar. Not that I cared. Not sure if he was representative of the species, though.

  6. interesting perspective and conversation

  7. I’m a guy who grew up in New Mexico, my dad is hispanic, I grew up in a Hispanic neighborhood and culture, so I’m quite familiar with the Hispanic way of thinking. I’m also married to a Colombian lady and I’m very familiar with Colombian culture. The Hispanic/Latino world shares a lot of things in common, and one of those things is interpersonal relationships. In Colombia I think the infidelity is a little more pronounced and I think the primary reason is because, supposedly women outnumber men in Colombia and therefore the men pretty much do what they want. Chances of a Colombian man being physically faithful are very slim, but, as the blog poster said, he may very well be faithful “in heart.” But Colombian men will never admit to any woman about their shenanigans. The men guard the secrets amongst themselves. I have been in Colombia with my wife’s brothers, and they have taken me out to brothels and dance clubs, encouraging me to partake. Even though they are the brothers of my wife, they would never tell her. Why? Because in their mind it’s just a physical fling, it’s meaningless. The way they look at it is: you dedicate yourself to your wife, but it’s okay to have fun on the side, maybe even take a mistress, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your ability to dedicate sufficient love, time, and resources to your wife.

    By the way, I really like the clarity and honesty of writing of the blog poster in this blog.

    Regarding point #6, I can explain this. In all of Latin culture, when a guy is serious about a lady, or a lady is serious about a guy, that has the status of “marido(a)” -husband or wife – even though they are only dating. Particularly if they are staying overnight at eachother’s house, spending a lot of time together, making it known to all their friends that they are “going steady”… So you will hear the friends referring to the other person as the “wife or “husband”. This is the reason why “suegra” is used even though the couple might not be married. In Latin culture, if you live together, spend a lot of time together, have kids together, there is no distinction between this and being married on paper.

    Also, I have to agree that Colombian men, despite being “perros” (unfaithful dogs), actually treat their women very well. They are very chivalrous, very attentive, romantic, etc.

    • Thank you for your insights! I guess there is a price for everything. I think American-born men tend to be somewhat more faithful than Central and South American men (or maybe they just feel guiltier about their indiscretions) but I haven’t met many American-born men who are as affectionate as Latino guys.

      With the last point about “suegra” I think that common law marriages are a bit more common in Latin America than in the U.S. In fact, I’d say that only about 30 percent of couples who live together in Colombia are actually married…the rest consider themselves married, even if they’ve never signed any legal document!

  8. my two cents: hispanic men in general are only good to be avoided. run for your life. every single experience i had with latinos was horrendous. colombian was by far the worst. he was insisting on a committed relationship, saying how faithful he was, that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me blah blah…and ended up wasting 3 years of my life, was cheating on me with countless women while claiming he was faithful and loving, was a skilled manipulator and even started being physically abusive. and was the sweetest, caring, loving person in the beginning. a proper human chameleon, i thought he was my soulmate – he convinced me that he was! when he revealed his true face i was more than shocked. luckily that dirty sack of shit did not pass me any STD, though i´m still not over emotional and psychological abuse i lived with that creep, not to mention that i developed PTSD and actual trauma of dating men in general. thank god i can afford to pay a therapist who´s done an awesome job helping me recover, but unless you come from their culture (in that case you´re ok, because you´re probably gonna be doing exact same shit no matter what your gender is, and won´t take anyone seriously) run for your life. i have yet to meet a trustworthy, honest, genuine latino man. i´m sure there are some, but they´re minority. if you happen to be in a situation where a colombian starts hitting on you i´ll repeat – run for your life. be cautious with latinos in general, their culture tends to nourish selfishness in general, and even sociopathy as an accepted form of existence.

    p.s. european in south america

    p.p.s. i realized just recently that he probably recommended me to read “el amor en los tiempos de colera” on purpose. that psycho probably imagined he was florentino ariza, and that i was fermina daza. i even remembered that once i saw on his wall a list of quotes from different movies and books that he liked and one of them was “unfaithful but not disloyal” and very stupid me – back then i didn’t understand that he was thinking about himself.and lying shamelessly that he was the most faithful and loving man in the world. oh and when i confronted him about his ladies he told me “but my love, why do you worry about them, they’re just some girls i don’t even care about. i only care about you” what the fuck dude? what an obnoxious excuse for a human being. not only he broke my heart, he did a few acts of serious betrayal that almost broke my soul. thank god and i haven’t crossed the point of no return.

    please, don’t play their games. first they’re gonna hypnotize you, then they’re gonna beat you with experience. unless you know who you’re dealing with and you’re european, american, australian etc…just fuck them off. don’t even let them talk. because their talks are intoxicating and full of shit.

    • Oh, you are either racist or embittered by a few poor relationships. But, I understand. I don’t hold anything against you. People are messed up in general. I’m half Mexican American, and I wouldn’t hurt a fly. If you date me, we’ll be just drinking a few glasses of iced sangria on a hot summer day, spend time on the beaches at Cancun, some tequila, everything will.be all fine and dandy. But it’ll happen in the blink of an eye, you’ll wake up the next day with 14 kids making tamales and tortillas shouting at your kids in Spanish “Pinche hijo! Que diablos estas haciendo? Hijue gran puta…” Ah the picture I paint. Let’s do it, love. Let’s make it happen. 😛 True story. My grandmother had 14 children. Hijole!

      • yeah…big fat NO. i love mexico but would rather not date a mexican. gosh, i was so lucky to meet someone from very different background ever since i wrote that comment, and i can only say – what a reality check! now i definitely know why latino dudes suck big time. reliability, trustworthiness, mental toughness, punctuality – now that’s hot.

        can’t want to go back to mexico (my favorite latin american country) but becoming a nun sounds more attractive than dating a latino again.

        tough to be fair, if you were born and raised in the states and out of the typical influence of latino community, you might have a different mindset….or not. at this point i couldn’t care less tbh.

      • Hi Nicola and Deneb,

        my purpose in writing this post was not to result in commentators attacking other commentators…or having people say that “Latinos suck.” I’m married to one now, and he definitely doesn’t suck. I do think that Latino culture has traditionally had a strong machista strain, but like anywhere, there are good guys and bad. So while I appreciate comments and dialogue, please no hateful comments or words!

        Thanks,

        anomadslife

  9. my colombian love, cheated his girlfriend with me… I had no idea he already had someone when I met him because he was way into me, trying to use every minite of the time that was in front of us, in the best possible way. I was amazed by him and he by me.
    I never ever in my life fell in love as strong as I did with this man & in such short time…and finding out he has someone already and it’s quite sirious (living together, 3years) crushed me. Yeah, he was convincing me he’s not like all of the sterotype colombian guys and that this was the first time he cheated on his girl ever and he fall in love with me like never in his life too and that’s why it happend… though he did mentioned his father left two of his wifes and has a 3. one today and he’s not sure about american “one person till death do us apart” dill, other than that he was singing to me all the time, texting me 24/7 it was really crazy…and he was trying to make me jelaous coz he was quite jelaous .. all I do know is that I hate that I could find so many of this stereotyps in him ( in all of the blog posts about colombian man I could google up) .. and I feel sorry for his girlfriend quite a lot ‘coz at one point he told me he’s gonna marry her anyway soon but will never overcome me and he must see me again in his life… ah
    … come one… such a bad story.. ofcourse..I would never agree to talk, text or see him in my life again, though it’s still really hard fornme to face reality I wish it didn’t had to go that way ‘cuz indeed … before I got to find out about that cheaty part, I was amazed by life and how you can find love in most unexpected places at time you never fell it might happen..

  10. As a Colombian man that was raised in America, I must admit that faithfulness is something we struggle with. I’d say this trait is more prevalent when you are with someone you are not fully satisfied with.. whether physically or emotionally. I have made mistakes and have cheated on girlfriends in the past, and now that I’m a little bit older and a bit wiser, came to the realization that I cheated because I felt my needs were not being satisfied by the person I was with at the time. I am aware this makes Colombian men sound like selfish assholes (which some truly are) but this is a behavior prevalent not only among Colombian men and women (oh yes, Colombian women can be just as poisonus and charming as Colombian men), but in latino culture as a whole.

    We tend to be passionate and be very physical with our attention, however, as the relationship matures some of that early spark is gone. Which leads to Colombians starting to look somewhere else. This obviously cannot be blamed on the significant other, nor on the Colombian partner alone… you see, we like to feel wanted, and to be emotionally engaged with someone at all times. This sounds unrealistic and exhausting, which it is! Oftentimes you have one but not the other, thus why even when Colombian men/women are emotionally engaged they still can have a wondering eye and cheat if they feel there isn’t the same level of want/physicality as in earlier in the relationship. Many of the comments here had a commonality: how fast people fell in love or how quickly relationships with Colombians evolved. This happens because I think when we are meeting someone new, we have the need to absorb the essence of the person right away.. to decipher and conquer that person and bring out their passion. Which leads to a rapid peak and then decline as things wear on.

    From my experience as a Colombian man, I’d say that I wouldn’t be hopeless if I were dating a Colombian. As I mentioned earlier, I did cheat a little here and there when I was younger. Then I thought I would date a Colombian woman so that I was with someone that would match my intensity. It was a very wild ride that ended up in heartbreak for me. But I learned that with Colombians, you have to worlk on what your expectations with each other are. After my heartbreak and some deep soul searching paired with alone time, I met the right girl for me. A beautiful girl from the midwest who truly has inspired me to work with her to be true to her, and to communicate better when I feel our expectations or our relationship are not in the same page. In the 5 years we’ve been together I have not cheated in any way or form.

    Sure, every now and then I will check a girl out, but I have always very present who my queen is and who I want to be devoted to the rest of my life. She understands my passionate nature and her calm demeanor actually balances our relationship. Based on this, as a Colombian man, I say that you shouldn’t completely write us off. Yes, be very cautious, but enjoy the relationship and work together so that you can hopefully have something meaningful. Now, I say this varies by region too… but for the sake of you, who have read this far, I will not get into it or you will have a headache!

  11. I have been married for 4 years with Colombian man, since the family visited us my marriage simply turn into hellll!!!

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