I Apparently Joined JWed and I’m a Subpar Feminist. Oh well.

Several interesting facts: 

But first an adorable picture of Alfie Emilio getting crunk. Don’t worry it’s all fake. He’s not really holding that glass. Just some brilliant staging by my  brother.

Alfie fake drinking wine. Picture taken and staged by my brother.

Alfie fake drinking wine. Picture taken and staged by my brother.

1.) So as some of you may know, I’m a member of JWed. In case you aren’t familiar with JWed, it’s a Jewish dating service. Well, actually, it’s more like a Jewish marriage site. According to Wikipedia, it’s the largest online Orthodox Jewish dating/marriage website and non-orthodox Jews were just recently allowed to join. And according to the website, you have to be “authentically” Jewish.

But I’m not Jewish and somehow I’ve been a JWed member for years. As far as I know, there is no authentic Jewishness to me at all. My family has been Catholic for hundreds of years and before that, my Chip-Cha ancestors were probably Pagan. So while I’m cool with the possibility of a Jewish husband — I mean, who wouldn’t want a Jewish husband — I admit I didn’t mean to set out looking for one. I only get emails from the site once in a while so sometimes I kind of forget I’m part of the world’s largest Orthodox Jewish dating site, but today there was some kind of computer glitch over at JWed and I got like a million emails from them, asking me to “express myself,” “send someone an e-card” and so on. I honestly don’t know how I got on this site. I feel like I’ve been a member of JWed forever, long before I even considered online dating. And the saddest part? Since I don’t actually remember signing up, I can’t even check my messages or see if anyone’s been checking me out, because I have no idea what my sign-on and password are. Oh well.

2.) I only have like ten more episodes of season four of Parks and Recreation to go. And then I’m done. At least until Netflix comes out with Season 5 or I discover a new T.V show. It’s only a matter of time.

3.) My blog stats continue to plummet. Seriously, Google, why are you being so mean? Only 19 search hits today? My blog fame dreams are quickly fading.

4.) I read this article on Slate. In case you’re too lazy to read it, it basically says that despite men and women being more equal than ever, women kind of still expect guys to pay for dates. And when they offer to pay half, a lot of them (39 percent) are bluffing. They don’t actually plan to pay. The article questions why modern, independent women expect workplace and professional equality but when it comes to chivalry, many are pretty old-fashioned. I admit I’m with the 39 percent. A few months ago I went through an an intense dating phase and when it came time to pay the bill, I’d always pretend to fumble around in my purse for a while and wait for the guy to say, “I’ve got it.” Such beautiful words! Even though I consider myself independent, modern and yes, a feminist, I can’t help liking it when the guy pays, especially on a first date. What does this say about me? Probably terrible things.

Why thank you...courtesy of esquire.com.

Why thank you…courtesy of esquire.com.

I went out on a date with this guy a couple of months ago. We met at a neighborhood cafe/lounge and he got the first round of drinks. About 45 minutes into the date he said, “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for another beer.” I said, “Sure, that sounds good.” Then I kept sitting. And he kept sitting. I mean, he spent the date talking about his successful company and stock portfolio and I was between jobs at the time so I just kind of assumed Richie McRichardson would pay. But he kept on sitting. And sitting. And then it dawned on me that he expected ME to get the next round of beer, even though he suggested it. I don’t even like beer! But by that point it was all out war (in my head) and I continued sitting. And then he said, “Umm, usually I split things on dates…” and the silent war was over and I had no choice but to offer to get the next round because, despite his lack of chivalry, he was pretty cute. But I still didn’t like it one bit. It turned out there were other issues more serious than his lack of initiative to pay for my second (unwanted) beer, but that’s another story.

But after reading that article I kind of started wondering if it’s time for me to change my mindset. A guy is not necessarily a bad person just because he suggests we split the tab, right? And it’s not like I can’t afford to buy myself a beer or a glass of wine (except maybe in certain sections of D.C or Arlington where a beer/glass of wine is like $9)! I’m still not really sure what my thoughts are on this subject…am I less of a feminist  because I like to be treated on first dates? Probably. But I could care less about other things like a guy holding the door open for me, pulling out my chair, getting me flowers and teddy bears…so maybe it all balances out?

Categories: Me, Me, Me

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5 replies

  1. Is Alfie the type to sign you up for JWed during an evening of fake drinking?

  2. I have conflicting ideas about paying on dates. I expect the guy to pay on the first date because A) Chivalry and B) I do like to be treated. But if there are multiple dates, then I’m definitely going to want to pay some of the time.

    Case in point: the last guy I dated NEVER let me pay for anything, and it was actually pretty frustrating after awhile. I would say “I’ve got it,” and he would say, “No you don’t, I’ve got it,” and a credit card slap fight on the bill would ensue.

    Probably should have seen that as a sign of things to come…

    • I wouldn’t expect the guy to pay after a few dates…really, all I ask for is one date. Maybe because this is kind of the socially accepted thing and when a guy doesn’t offer to pay or wants to split, I start thinking he’s stingy, ungenerous or selfish…maybe I should reframe it and say he’s just ahead of his time?

      I think once you’ve gone out a couple times and it looks like the relationship may be going somewhere then it’s perfectly fine splitting or treating the guy.


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