I have good news and bad news.
The good news: My blog came back to life overnight. As I mentioned before, things had gotten really sad and pathetic over at (My Former) Nomad Life. Google betrayed me and suddenly stopped delivering the hits. At its lowest point Google was only delivering 19 search hits a day. Well, it looks like Google is back on my side…I’ve been getting 150-200 Google search hits a day and I no longer feel depressed when I look at my stats.
The bad news: It was Miley Cyrus who did it. No one cared about my blog anymore until I wrote about Miley Cyrus. Hundreds of search term hits related to Miley Cyrus this week. Yes, I’m getting lots of hits again, but it’s all related to the so-called queen of twerk. Some of the top Miley Cyrus-related search terms that lead to my blog this week: Why does Miley Cyrus stick her tongue out? Why does Miley Cyrus always have to stick her tongue out so much? Why all the tongue by Miley Cyrus? What is it with Miley Cyrus and tongue always hanging out? Can you twerk like Miley Cyrus is offensive (I concur….I believe many a pop star has superior twerking skills compared to Miley Cyrus. We simply cannot allow her to be held up as the pinnacle of twerking talent), Miley’s tongue is really long, Why does Miley Cyrus always do that thing with her tongue? Why is Miley Cyrus’ tongue out all the time? Oh well. As I’ve said before, I’ll take my hits wherever I can get them.
I did a little further research and discovered that over the last three months the following have been my most popular blog posts:
1.) Blonde in a Thong. An artistic yet controversial depiction of a blonde in a thong. Playing volleyball. At a family campground. I’m surprised Fox News didn’t get involved in this story. This particular post lead me to discover that blondes in thongs are in high demand on the Internet. Who would have known?
2.) I’m Pregnant with a Colombian Man. An informative and groundbreaking exploration of the most common search terms that lead visitors to my blog.
3.) Today I Decided I Need to Find a Way to get Rich. If Snooki Can do it, so Can I. A testament of self-affirmation and self-love that embodies the CAN DO American spirit. In this brilliantly written motivational entry, readers learn what it takes to succeed in America as I compare myself to Snooki and embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth in pursuit of the American Dream.
4.) Man in a Thong. An apparent hit with those who enjoy looking at men in thongs. A provocative and thought-provoking depiction of the male body in all it’s glory (plus penis patch).
5.) This is Probably Why Online Dating Gets a Bad Rap. An expose on the seedy, twisted world of online dating. A world I decided to leave behind after the following two incidences:
a.) *Please note message was received on a Wednesday:* Guess what day it is? How about we give it a try?
b.) Background story: I’m talking to this guy, he seems nice, we’ve exchanged a couple cordial, innocent texts but we’ve never met in person. But then things take a dark turn:
Guy: Do you live alone?
Me: No response. In my head: Why does he want to know that??? Is he a serial killer? Did I give him my last name? Could he find out where I live? Why did I give him my cell number??? Will he kill my entire family? (perhaps an over reaction, but I’d just watched three hours of crime TV).
Guy (a few days later at 11:30 at night): Do you live alone? What are you wearing?
Me: I think it’s time for me to quit online dating.
*I was in fact wearing my flannel lime green pajamas with the fluffy white cloud design but I didn’t tell him that. I have not heard from him since.
And now, a picture of some lily pads:
Alfie in a stand-off with a deer:
And beautiful, quintessential suburbia: