Ever since I heard about these:
I knew I had to try them. Greasy cheese wedges covered in greasy Doritos? It sounded amazing. So yesterday was the big day; I guiltily pulled into 7-Eleven and decided to make a breakfast of Loaded Doritos. I am sad (or maybe happy?) to report that they were a big disappointment. Not worth it at all. Just like mozzarella sticks, but yellow cheese instead of mozzarella, and Dorito’d instead of breaded. And just blah. Nothing worth trying again. You’d think that at 29 I would have figured out that 7-Eleven food is rarely worth it. But at least now I know. Anyway, afterwards I felt awful as I knew I would. I felt large and in charge and I knew Bao would be disappointed in me.
However, I’ve decided not to let Doritos Loaded throw me off course. I’ve been doing pretty well and am down a few pounds since last month (mostly due to post-breakup sadness, but I’ll take it) and I went on an epic bike ride with some friends after work to reverse some of the Dorito-induced damage. I’ve also decided that my mindset has been all kinds of wrong for too many years. I’ve been comparing myself to the wrong entities. I always compare myself to women like Adriana Lima, so of course I feel terrible about myself after Doritos-loaded-type incidences.
But if you are constantly comparing yourself to the most beautiful, abnormally attractive and miraculously well-built women in the world, you’re always going to come up short. And wide. And then you’re going to feel bad about yourself and wonder why the beauty gods were so unjust and created you Snooki-sized and bowling-pin-shaped (Botero bowling-pin, not regular bowling pin). However, this mindset is all wrong. I was thinking the other day that compared to the vastness that is the universe, I’m actually quite small. A tiny, insignificant, barely there dot, and that made me feel pretty good about myself.
I’ll be staying away from Doritos Loaded anyway, but it helps to think about things from a different perspective sometimes.