After I was dumped by my first trainer, I went on a two-week fitness hiatus during which things really went downhill fast (fitness wise). I’m pretty sure I lost the muscle I grew and I’m starting from zero again, but at I have a new trainer now! And I really like him!
I’ll call my new trainer Bill because he has that kind of name. Bill is really good at his job. He is a smooth operator. He knows every lady at the gym by name. Between directing my squats and sit-ups, Bill is all “Hi Lu-Anne! Hey there Mary Beth! How’s it going Barbara? Looking good Linda!” Yes, Bill appears to be a hit with the middle-aged lady crowd. Being an excellent trainer and salesman-type, Bill knows how to lay the compliments on thick. Usually I roll my eyes at this kind of thing, but this time, at least with Bill, I’ve decided to go with it, even when Bill’s compliments fall far outside the realm of believability. I mean, I am paying him after all, so why not let myself believe all the crap he says?
Some examples of Bill-style compliments:
During my fitness assessment:
“Girl, you got good symmetry going on. Real good symmetry. We just gotta reduce that symmetry!”
It is nice to know I have nice symmetry, even though I don’t really know what that means and it needs to be reduced.
During our first session:
“Girl, you’re so strong. I’m so impressed. You’re going to make me work hard!”
I had just (barely) completed my first set of 10-reps with a 10 pound dumbbell. Hardly can I be considered strong. I was doubtful, but I went with it. Maybe I really am strong and I just didn’t realize it for the first 29 years of my life?
“Girl, I can see you’re self-driven. You have that inner drive and motivation I love to see in people.”
HA! If I had inner drive and motivation, would I really be paying $1 per minute for you to provide me with that very drive and motivation you see in me? I think not. But I’ll go with it.
“Dang girl, you’re really maintaining! You’re going strong! I’m really going to have to make sure to keep things challenging!”
I am stuck in lunge position and on the verge of tears. I am not going strong, but thanks to Bill’s kind (false) words, I somehow manage not to collapse because I almost feel bad for him that his words are so very wrong, so very, very far from the reality of the situation.
And a little conversation at the end of our session:
Me: Bill, I’d really like to lose 20 pounds before my sister’s wedding in October. Do you think it’s possible? I’d settle for 15.
Bill: Jisel! Girl, where you gonna find 20 pounds to lose?
Bill, I love you. I truly, truly, truly love you, despite the fact that you and I both know I can find 20 pounds to lose in my right calf.