I know I’m a little late getting in on this Miley Cyrus VMA Fiasco and no one really cares anymore, but I’m getting in on it anyway.
Much has been made of her “scandalous” performance, that creepy foam finger, her twerking compulsion and the provocative outfits, but if you’re old enough to have witnessed Cher dancing around in a ribbon leotard with a bunch of sailors (If I Could Turn Back Time), remember experimental early 90’s Madonna (Erotica Album) or listened to any Pitbull lyrics (Have you listened to Toma? Si tu quiere’ que te coma toda, Abre las pierna’ y dale Toma — Google translate it), if you’ve experienced any of the aforementioned situations at all, you’re probably not all that scandalized with Miley’s antics. Sure, some people wish she’d stick to her wholesome Hannah Montana image, but she grew up in the public eye — a very critical, not so kind eye — so what did we all expect would happen? Let’s face it people, she can’t be Hannah Montana forever.
So as you can see from the above pictures, Miley Cyrus is not the first person to dress less than modestly during a musical performance. She is not the first person to gyrate or twerk it up on stage. She is not even the first pop star to make a questionable hairstyle choice. Sure, she looked like a baby triceratops at a furry convention during the VMAs, and she’s probably only a few months away from a meltdown (it’s not her fault…can you imagine receiving that amount of criticism and scrutiny from such a young age? I’d already have several meltdowns and rehab stints under my belt if I were Miley) but would I say I’m offended by her performance? No. My sensibilities were not offended by the skin-colored leotard bikini thing or even by seeing a barely legal chick stick her butt in a creepy middle-aged guy’s crotch. I can handle all that. I don’t like it, I think it’s off-putting, but I can handle it.
However, this entry is not a defense of Miley Cyrus. If she wants to twerk and style her hair like Sara from The Land Before Time that’s her prerogative. But I must confess that I’m deeply disturbed by all the tongue action. When it comes to Miley’s tongue, my sensibilities ARE offended. I couldn’t get to sleep last night so I got on Facebook as I do in times of insomnia and one of my Facebook friend posted a link to “22 pictures of Miley Cyrus’ open mouth” (See it here). I admit…I clicked. And I looked through all 22 pictures. And I’ll just say it now: I just can’t help but feel suspicious about anyone, male of female, who feels the need to stick their tongue out so frequently. What exactly are they trying to say? I just don’t understand. Yes, her tongue is longer than average, but why does she have to show it all the time? What is she trying to prove??? That she’s a “bad” girl? That she’s some kind of sex Goddess? Does she stick it out all the time because she’s actually an insect and she uses it to see or smell because it’s an antenna in disguise? Are we supposed to be shocked, impressed or turned on? Because mostly I feel disturbed. I can’t help cringing every time she does her weird tongue thing. So I would like to publicly state, for the record, that I just can’t stand Miley Cyrus’ tongue. I can’t stand it so much that I felt compelled to write an 800 word blog entry about the fact that I can’t stand her tongue. There’s got to be some kind of petition we can all sign to put a stop to all this unnecessary tongue-sticking out action and force Miley Cyrus to return her tongue to its rightful place.